MSM

Did Adam and Eve really eat apple pancakes? The MSM won't even ask the question!

Crime

Most pancakes can be found in stacks, but a few dangerous individuals live in cartels.

Sainthood

I'm no saint. I have the pancakes, hostages, and hostage pancakes to prove it.

Dreams

I slept, and dreamed that life was a pancake. Then I woke and life was a smurf being sodomized by a New Zealander.

The gods

Where God has made pancakes, the devil makes waffles. Thor just makes a boom-boom on the carpet.

The force

A great disturbance in the force is preferable to a huge turd in the pancake.

Wisdom

Odin, who was wise, had one eye. Think how wise pancakes are, who have neither eyes nor tentacles.

Men and women

Women want men to be fluffy pancakes drenched in chocolate sauce, while men want women to be turbo-powered fembots with awesome nipple-blasters. No wonder dating sucks.

Virgins

If I had a pancake for every virgin I've deflowered, I'd have, um...one pancake. Nevermind.

Terrorism

To investigate terrorism, the government is wiretapping pancakes. Hey, it beats a drone-bot killing your ass.

Giving

Give a man a pancake, he'll eat for a day. Give a man a death ray, he'll fuck shit up till the batteries run down.

Rage

Pancake rage is less frequent than road rage, but it has traumatized millions of sausages.

The gods

Going postal over a pancake is like going mental over a massacre. Well, to God anyway, who is too busy playing naked Twister with Zeus to give a crap.

Family

Without the Oedipus complex, there would be no religions or pancakes. Also, my family tree wouldn't scare away the squirrels.

Myself

I too am a pancake, and grain alcohol is my syrup! It's been a rough year...

Trust

If you can learn to trust in pancakes and pee on heathens, my cult is having a membership drive.

Redemption

Redemption cannot be attained through pancakes alone. You also have to blow a saint.