The rich

It is easier for a rich man to eat a pancake than it is for a chihuahua to hump a polar bear. Duh.

Breakfast

A dog is to a pancake as a cat is to a crepe. As for waffles, they are the naked mole rats of breakfast.

Jesus

Jesus H. Christ should really be called Jesus P. Christ--for pancake. You can thank Bill Clinton for that cover-up.

The cosmos

There are muffin tops, but no pancake tops. That is the way of the cosmos.

The Lord

The Lord curses the waffles of the wise, but He blesses the pancakes of the promiscuous. What can I say, God is a perv.

Miracles

The miracle is not to fly in the air or walk on the water, but to make a pancake that looks exactly like Christina Hendricks.

Faith

A Buddhist asks, "Is this pancake Buddha?" A pagan answers, "Shut up, or Thor is gonna hit you with his hammer."

Hate

These six things the Lord doth hate: sin, abomination, hatred, cologne, dirty socks, and pancakes covered in whale semen.