Saturday, January 31, 2009

The cycle of life

What would Jesus eat? Pancakes.

Who would eat Jesus? Christians.

Who would eat Christians? Hyenas.

Who would eat hyenas? Jesus.

The cycle of life.

Friday, January 30, 2009


Cockroaches are like pancakes in this way: They taste a little better with syrup.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The moon

There are no pancakes on the moon. Does that mean there are no pancake monsters on the moon? I wonder if NASA is hiring.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


When choosing between two pancakes, I pick the one that hasn't been peed on.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Don't say, "Sweet merciful pancakes!"

Say, "Sweet holy mother of pancakes!"

It's politer.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The Pope

What does the Pope have to say to a pancake? Probably something in German, or maybe Klingon--the secret language Popes use to talk to their food.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


Let not thy left pancake know what thy right pancake doeth. And if your right pancake is doing things, and your left pancake is knowing things, it might be time to make new pancakes.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


Do not judge a situation prematurely. Our parents taught us, "Never trust a man without pancakes or children." But what if the children ate the pancakes and the man ate the children? That would change everything.

Friday, January 23, 2009


Comedy is when you eat a pancake with chopsticks; tragedy is when I drink lava through a straw.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


In the middle of the pancake, do not change syrups. Also, keep an eye on your cousin Sally. She looks shifty.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A golden throne

If you see a silver pancake on a golden throne in a purple forest, then I will refer you to a specialist.


You can get used to anything except a pancake in your shoe or a long metal pole in your brain.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


If Adam and Eve had eaten pancakes instead of an apple, humanity would still live in a beautiful garden paradise, and I bet I wouldn't have dropped my cell phone in the toilet.

Monday, January 19, 2009


Dungeons and pancakes do not go together, but try telling that to your mom.


Do not sip a pancake. Guzzle it with abandon! I'm just kidding. A dude could choke that way.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


A little dog is really brave in front of his owner's pancake. Let's just hope Aunt Edna stopped booby-trapping breakfast.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


The waffle forgets, but the pancake does not. I forget why that is, so sue me. Do I look like a pancake?

Friday, January 16, 2009


Never feed a cat with corn, nor attempt to pick your teeth with a pancake.