Thursday, April 30, 2009

The ancient world

Ancient riddle: Who pancakes the pancake-men?

Ancient answer: Space monsters.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Love and sex

Pancakes are not going to love you unless you love them. Even then, you can rule out oral sex.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Am I a Cylon dreaming I'm a pancake or a pancake dreaming I'm a Cylon?

Let's hope I'm a Cylon, because I'd love to kill all humans. Mmm!

Monday, April 27, 2009


If you feel like you would make a great Pope, consider becoming a pancake instead. The job market is better.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


Able-bodied seamen eat a lot of pancakes. That's why the Navy spends 6 billion dollars a year on pancake batter, along with 40 million to fight ocean madness.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

A wise man

A wise man opened a diner. He served nano-pancakes, psycho-pancakes, astro-pancakes, turbo-pancakes, and robo-bacon. Was he really wise, or did he just like prefixes? I shot him, so we'll never know.

Friday, April 24, 2009


Pancakes blame World War 2 on New Zealand and think the Internet was created by Don Rickles. But pancakes are delicious, so we put up with their outlandish beliefs.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Work and play

All work and no pancakes makes Jack make pancakes--of blood! And doom! Still, beats workin'.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The fate of the universe

Sometimes the fate of the universe depends on one pancake standing alone against a vast army of evil. At such times, we are what the gods call "boned".

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Human rights

No one has a right to pooh-pooh your dreams or poo-poo your pancakes.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Joy and sorrow

Our greatest joys and our greatest sorrows grow on the same pancake. Shouldn't someone throw that thing out?

Monday, April 13, 2009


It isn't the mountain that wears you out; it's the stack of pancakes in your underwear, genius.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


There is nothing a fish hates more than a pancake, because fish are racist.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


Fear knocked at the door. Giant pancake monsters answered. That worked out well.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The mob

Having the world's greatest pancake will do you no good if your mouth was sewn shut by angry villagers.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Nature and nurture

If a naked mole rat and a goliath bird-eating spider are fighting over a pancake...whoa. Sell me a ticket. I am so there, dude.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

No cigar

Close only counts at horseshoes, hand grenades, and let's-hide-the-nuclear-waste-near-the-pancake-house.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The face of evil

Evil has a face like a pancake: smooth, eyeless, sticky, and delicious.

Monday, April 6, 2009


Pancakes save some marriages, while boulders end others. Love is a paradox.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


For the next two hundred years, there will be no rainbows. However, there will be thousands of mole men roaming the earth, grinding people into pancake batter. So at least there's that.

Saturday, April 4, 2009


Apes are to monkeys as pancakes are to crepes, but what about ales and lagers? Man, am I thirsty.

Friday, April 3, 2009


There are ten gates to awareness but only five pancakes to awareness. That's because the guardians of awareness don't want to totally mess up your diet.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What if?

What if pancakes erupted with lava and volcanoes fed the hungry? That would be a great time to go back on your meds.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


You can stack pancakes, but you can't stack regrets...though you can stack corpses. Not sure where I was going with that.