Thursday, December 30, 2010


Beware a man with only one pancake or wife.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

George Carlin

George Carlin said, "Everybody's got a cell phone that'll make pancakes and rub their balls" but mine won't do anything but anal.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Arts and sciences

Is making pancakes an art or a science? Neither. It's a sub-discipline of exorcism-ology.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


You can't spell "pantless cakes" without "pancakes".

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Cousin Billy

A pancake a day keeps my cousin Billy away. Trust me, that's a good thing.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


If you're a sewer rat, a pancake could be a good cape.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


One man's pancake is another man's bedpan. (Hint: that man is your mom).

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


If a king sits on a throne of pancakes, that's a good day for the royal poodle.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


There are two sides to coins, pancakes, arguments, and Batman villains.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Better a diamond with a flaw than a pancake with a thin coating of diarrhea.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Is it better to fool a pancake or pancake a fool?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


You are smarter than your dog, but your dog is smarter than your pancake. So that evens out.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


You can't get to the top by shoving pancakes up your bottom.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Moving mountains

It is possible to move a mountain with only witchcraft and pancakes. Send $1000 to learn how.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


A virtuous wife is like a pancake. She can't do business without letting Mrs. Butterworth wet her beak.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Putting your faith in a fool is like swaddling your infant in a pancake: surprisingly delicious.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


You'd be surprised how much pancakes hate syrup and your mom.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The mind

The mind is like a pancake. It tastes great with strawberries.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The rich

It is easier for a rich man to eat a pancake than it is for a chihuahua to hump a polar bear. Duh.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


A dog is to a pancake as a cat is to a crepe. As for waffles, they are the naked mole rats of breakfast.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Jesus H. Christ should really be called Jesus P. Christ--for pancake. You can thank Bill Clinton for that cover-up.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The cosmos

There are muffin tops, but no pancake tops. That is the way of the cosmos.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Lord

The Lord curses the waffles of the wise, but He blesses the pancakes of the promiscuous. What can I say, God is a perv.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


The miracle is not to fly in the air or walk on the water, but to make a pancake that looks exactly like Christina Hendricks.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


A Buddhist asks, "Is this pancake Buddha?" A pagan answers, "Shut up, or Thor is gonna hit you with his hammer."

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


These six things the Lord doth hate: sin, abomination, hatred, cologne, dirty socks, and pancakes covered in whale semen.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


A virtuous woman is like a pancake to her husband, particularly if he is a cannibal.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Love pancakes like a sister! OK, maybe not like your sister, you sicko. Forget I said anything.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


When pancakes unite, there is nothing they cannot accomplish. Even a sausage genocide isn't out of the question.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


The sands of time have been lost in the pancakes of time. That's why the pancakes of time taste like the ass of time.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Words and deeds

A man of words and not of deeds is like a pancake pooped on by Apollo Creed.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


How blessed is the man who never stuffs pancakes down his underoos? Just a little blessed. Come on, we have standards around here.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves--especially pancakes, who have some great ideas about the economy.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Do not throw pancake batter at sinners! Try some rocks. They are more effective.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The ten commandments

The ten commandments don't mention pancakes, so I guess it's OK to slather them with the blood of orphans.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


A pancake is like lingerie. It's delicate and looks revolting on your mom.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Evangelical Pancake-ism

Evangelical Pancake-ism is just like Christianity, but the wafer is replaced with pancakes, and the Jesus is replaced with Don Knotts.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Pancakes are like war. A lot of people die, but they bring a country together, and everyone loves them--or is an evil socialist hippie scumbag.

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Want to see free webcams of naked pancakes? If so, consult your neurologist.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The nexus of the universe

Pancakes exist somewhere between eternity, infinity, and Schenectady.

Friday, August 13, 2010


Life is like a spatula. Don’t stick it up your butt right before making pancakes.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Every pancake gets what it deserves: an exorcism performed by Oprah on July 4.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


The young want Swedish pancakes; the old want Finnish pornography. Everybody wins.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


A good pancake is loved by the bacon, feared by the sausages, and hated by my cousin Billy.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Kneel before pancakes! They really appreciate that sort of thing, and I could win a bet.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The tip

May I compare thee to a pancake? If not, can I just put in the tip?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Role models

It is easy to model yourself after accomplished men. It is hard to model yourself after potato pancakes.

Thursday, July 22, 2010


If a pancake falls in the woods, does your mom eat it? Nah. She's too busy getting busy with a grizzly bear. Ew.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The wise and the dumbass

The words of the wise bring healing, but the pancakes of the dumbass bring STDs. Don't ask.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Live for today

Live for today, because tomorrow you could be making pancakes in my dungeon for your new Yeti bride.