Monday, August 31, 2009


A waffle has many nooks, but no brains. That's why pancakes call them "bungholes".

Friday, August 28, 2009


If you dream of a pancake, you will wake up with a spatula. Or a whore, whatever.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


There is so much pain in life. That's why stuffing your pancakes with enough heroin to kill a cult is always an option.

Monday, August 24, 2009


Every man has a pancake self and a giant spitting earthworm self. This could explain lesbianism.

Friday, August 21, 2009


The mind cannot concentrate on two things at once. If you are worried about your stack of pancakes, think about your dungeon of virgins instead.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The great master

When the great master came to this land a long time ago, he blew a honker onto my pancakes. God, I hate that guy.

Monday, August 17, 2009


There is no amulet that will protect your pancakes from goblins and gremlins. But landmines should take care of those nosy neighbors.

Friday, August 14, 2009


Count your pancakes while you're counting your blessings. If you have more pancakes, here is the number of Dr. Kevorkian.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


You'll learn more in 10 days at a pancake house than you will in 100 days in a sensory-deprivation chamber.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Beauty and intelligence

It is more difficult to be a beautiful pancake than an intelligent biscuit.

Friday, August 7, 2009


Be humble, for you are made of pancakes. Be noble, for you are made of angel poo.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


What did one pancake say to the other?

Let's kill some waffles and raise their children as our own!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


You can't pillage a pancake, unless you are a terrifying nanobot. Even then, wouldn't you rather destroy my neural pathways?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Life and death

It is a fine thing to die for one's pancake, but a finer thing to live for it.

Monday, August 3, 2009


Do not blame God for creating the pancake, but thank Him for not giving it tentacles.