Tuesday, March 31, 2009


If I go back and time, and all I do is eat some pancakes and blow up some cities, would this change the future?

Monday, March 30, 2009


O Lord God, how long wilt thou suffer that such wickedness and inequity shall be among the people? O Lord, wilt thou give me strength, that I may bear with mine infirmities. For I am infirm, and such wickedness among this people doth chafe my pancakes.

Sunday, March 29, 2009


Be master of the pancake rather than pancaked by the master.

Saturday, March 28, 2009


Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my cinnamon roll pancakes on a stick shall never pass away.

Friday, March 27, 2009


The only pancakes you find on the tops of mountains are the pancakes left by slobs.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The life of the mind

Even a pancake may instruct a philosopher in the art of icky-sticky-ology.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


If you can dream it, you can pancake it.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


The mouth with which I eat pancakes is the same mouth with which God eats space monsters.

Monday, March 23, 2009


So divinely is the world ordered that every one of us, in our place and time, will be eaten with pancakes and juice.

Sunday, March 22, 2009


In the Swedish pancake's mind, there are many possibilities, but in the English muffin's mind, there are few.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


"First pancake, best pancake"?

Or "Practice makes perfect pancakes"?

Focus on what's important. We're nuking your house.

Friday, March 20, 2009


Three things are needed for success: a backbone, a wishbone, and a pancake-bone.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


If you sleep with pancakes, you will wake up with dogs, who ate the pancakes. Pretty good trade-off.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Truly, I say to you, whosoever does not enter the kingdom of God like a pancake shall not fit under the door.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it's just a pancake or the world's most downloaded woman.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Four hours

If you experience a pancake lasting more than four hours, geez, eat a little faster, buddy.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Public safety

Attacking a pancake is a felony offense, punishable by a fine and over one year in prison.

Please help make our pancakes safer.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


If nature is a giant pancake, then life is the swam of cockroaches devouring it.

Friday, March 13, 2009


If my heart can become pure and simple like that of a child, I bet I can get these dumbasses to give me free pancakes.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


It is better to help a pancake than to be helped by a pancake, because what's next, waffles are sleeping with your wife?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


If it looks like a pancake, walks like a duck, and hisses like a snake, then you need to stop offending God and all that is good and right with your unholy stem-cell creations.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


The person who opens the tomb of the chosen one will eat no pancakes, because man, that sounds like a busy day.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Great ideas

Pancakes in the bathtub. Not the greatest idea.

Sunday, March 8, 2009


In communist countries, they use shoes for pancakes and pancakes for pets. This is why communism doesn't work.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


If you want to insult a pancake, you have bigger problems than thinking of insults for pancakes. But let me suggest "pancake-wad".

Friday, March 6, 2009

The cosmos

Kittens and pancakes have one thing in common: The mystery of the cosmos. The glory of the spheres! Man, I've got to stop drinking.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


May I compare thee to a pancake? If not, would you like to appear in a tasteful adult movie?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Exorcists believe there are demons inside us. Chefs believe there are pancakes inside us. Will we ever know for sure? Science isn't talking.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The art of war

Never bring a pancake to a gunfight.

Monday, March 2, 2009


A man will trade his whole kingdom for a single pancake, if he is the king of Diddly-squat-istan.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


Which sounds tastier? "The pancakes of pestilence" or "A plague of pancakes"?

Market research.