Friday, July 31, 2009


It is foolish to speak scornfully of pancakes. Many have nasty friends in the government.

Thursday, July 30, 2009


If you promise to eat a stranger's pancake, you will regret it. Did I say "pancake"? I meant "firstborn".

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Roger Federer is better at making pancakes than playing tennis, but no one knows, because of our money-grubbing, waffle-loving media.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


By trying often, the pancake learns to inappropriately touch the sausage.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Some people can't tell the difference between fairy dust and pancake batter. We call these people "buttmunches".

Friday, July 24, 2009


Marriage is two warm pancakes, and life is the cocker spaniel that jumps up on the table to eat them.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Marry, boff, or kill: Pancakes, waffles, and biscuits. I'd boff the biscuits, marry the pancakes, and kill the waffles. That's just how I was raised.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Do something nice for someone today. How about making pancakes for those hostages? Or just kill them, whatever.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sausage party

Encouragement from a good pancake can turn a sausage's life around.

Monday, July 20, 2009


One of the most common ways angels speak to you is by leaving a feather in your pancakes.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Barry White

If you want to romance a pancake, you have bigger problems than how to romance a pancake... but may I suggest a sensual massage?

Thursday, July 16, 2009


The first thing my robo-butler is gonna do is make me some pancakes. Then we'll probably explore our sexuality. After that, who knows?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


Chimps have been discovered making pancakes in the wild, if by "making pancakes" you mean flattening poo and peeing on it.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The paradox of life

The paradox of life: When you are young, you want to be a pancake. When you are a pancake, you want to be a frozen yam on a stick.

Monday, July 13, 2009


If things look hopeless, check to see if you replaced your contact lenses with tiny pancakes.

Friday, July 10, 2009


Pancakes want to be loved; cheesecakes want to be obeyed.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Are we, to quote Kurt Gibson, "sons of one pancake"? My answer is a definitive yes.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009


If you cannot believe that everything will turn out for the best, then at least believe that I did not whiz on your pancakes.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


You are a combination of your mother's blueberry pancakes and your father's porn collection.

Monday, July 6, 2009


Stand up for your pancakes, even if you're alone, all alone in a mental asylum, all because of your passionate defense of pancakes.

Friday, July 3, 2009


Treat your friend as someone who may someday become your pancake, and your pancake as someone who may someday become your no-no on the carpet.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Pancakes have nothing to be ashamed of, aside from the muffin genocide of 1978.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


A people that values its pancakes above its pickles will soon lose both.