Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Screenwriting 101

A comedy can become a tragedy if just one pancake is nuked by terrorists or licked by your mom.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Stem cells

When stem cell research is fully funded, we will finally combine Swedish pancakes, Canadian bacon, and Sophia Loren.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Just as a criminal has accomplices, so does a pancake have sausages. That's why breakfast is the greatest crime of all.

Thursday, June 17, 2010


Is that a pancake in your pocket, or are you just fucking nuts?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dr. Vargas

Don't hand me a pancake and tell me it's an orphan. I paid good money for those orphans, Dr. Vargas! Damn you!

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Spend time with pancakes and you will be a pancake. Spend time with my sister and you will grow genitals on your face.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I once saw a pancake as big as a polar bear. Then I saw a polar bear as big as a pancake. Then I went back on my meds.

Thursday, June 3, 2010


Heal a pancake and you heal yourself. Don't be afraid to use the bonesaw.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


Of the ten incarnations of Vishnu, none was a pancake. I guess Vishnu was some kind of douchewad.