Monday, November 30, 2009

The dead

The spirits of the dead often haunt the pancakes of the dead. That's why breakfast is the worst meal for murder.

Friday, November 27, 2009

The universe

The universe was really created like a Swedish pancake, not a big bang, but scientists are suckers for alliteration, so what're you gonna do?

Thursday, November 26, 2009


If a baby is baptized in pancake batter, God will be pleased. Child services, not so much.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The heavenly realm

Even in the exalted heavenly realm, there is usually one guy who farts on your pancake and sells your children to pirates.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The sea

The Dead Sea Scrolls can't hold a candle to the Dead Sea Pancakes. Too bad that pig-farmer Aquaman ate 'em.

Monday, November 23, 2009


The Egyptians had very little time for pancakes. They were too busy encouraging Druids and Vikings to make porn.

Friday, November 20, 2009


Hardworking farmboys know the value of a pancake. At least they'd better, because hardworking farmbots are on sale at Jewel.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Pancake-lovers blather; waffle-lovers blither. Crepe-lovers pee the bed.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


A Mexican waffle and a German pancake have only one thing in common: Finnish pornography.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


A waffle is as good as a pancake--to a puppy-humping, orphan-eating agent of Satan, I reckon.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The altar of God

I have sworn upon the altar of God that...whoa. Dude. This altar would be a sweet spot to eat some pancakes.

Friday, November 13, 2009


Out of the ten unerasable names in the eleven unknowable realms, I like "Mr. Pancake Butt" the best.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The universe

The universe is endless and unfathomed. A great thing about pancakes is they are easily fathomed. You don't have to be a great fathomer.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Oh what a crooked road we take when first we poo on Mom's pancake.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Heal me, O lord, and I shall be healed; pancake me, and I shall be pancaked; waffle me, and I shall burn in hell like an English muffin in a broken toaster.

Monday, November 9, 2009


"My loins are aflame!" said the seeker.

"My pancakes are aflame!" said the master.

Since the monastery was also aflame, we'll never know how that one turned out.

Friday, November 6, 2009


Every pancake is an elegy to the prophet who peed on it.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


I'd rather have a floozy in a jacuzzi than a pancake in a porta-potty. That's just how I was raised.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


I looked at my life, and it was a pancake. Hey, at least it wasn't a bowl of warm snot, like usual.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a pancake? (Hint: Drug him).

Monday, November 2, 2009


The best healthcare is a delicate mix of voodoo, pancakes, and sensual massage, but try telling that to an insurance company...