Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Inner peace

There is a pancake asleep within every man. When that pancake awakens, consult your physician.

Monday, June 29, 2009


There is one idea that gives radiance to everything. It is the idea of pancakes made of angel dust.

Friday, June 26, 2009


The gods ate pancakes with a trident, but only the gods who rode the short bus.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your pancake.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


It's not surprising to hear that a rapper got shot, but it is surprising to hear that a pancake got stabbed with a broadsword--for shooting rappers. That's a nice twist.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The future

We might not recognize the pancakes of the future, but they'll recognize us, thanks to stem cells and Wikipedia.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Putting a woman on the moon is like putting a pancake on Mars, except it's cheaper, so let's go for it.

Friday, June 19, 2009


To a man who only has a pancake, every woman he encounters begins to look like Mrs. Butterworth. Hubba hubba!

Thursday, June 18, 2009


One bra you can wear seven ways is impressive. But what if there were a pancake that could enhance your sexual performance? That would be something too.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Should you return kindness with pancakes? Only if cash and a BJ are out of the question.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Men and women

The main difference between men and women is that men are pancakes and women are goliath bird-eating spiders.

Monday, June 15, 2009


You wouldn't like a pancake when its angry. Not because it's dangerous, but because the existence of emotions in breakfast foods is not something your worldview can accommodate.

Friday, June 12, 2009


If you don't know who the pancake at the table is, it's you.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


The say a man will treat his wife the way he treats his pancakes, but only if the dude is a cannibal.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Belief and doubt

Believe those who are seeking the pancake. Doubt those who are jizzing on the pancake.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Pancakes appear to be non-sentient lumps of batter, but they have rich, unknowable inner worlds. Some are just as on the ball as a senior citizen.

Monday, June 8, 2009


The mystical hammer of Thor is useless against the mystical pancakes of Satan. Little know fact.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The world

The world needs more geniuses with humility and fewer pancakes with tentacles.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

War crimes

All pancakes ridicule other pancakes, because of the harsh, brutal, repressive regime of Mrs. Butterworth.

Friday, June 5, 2009


Better the pancake you know than the pancake you don't, unless we're talking about "knowing" in the Biblical sense, because gak!

Thursday, June 4, 2009


In some cultures, there is no higher achievement than marrying your daughter to a pancake. This is why destroying other cultures is awesome.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Do you want to be a hero to a pancake? If so, it might be a good week to stop sniffing glue.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Be glad you are not a pancake. A pancake will never make love to a beautiful woman or eat pancakes, because pancakes are not vicious, savage cannibals.

Monday, June 1, 2009


I'm in the pancake donor program, where any pancakes I make but don't eat are surgically inserted into orphans against their will. Hey, we'll see how it goes!