Saturday, February 28, 2009


Don't blame the villainous chef for the poisoned pancakes. Look within your own heart, and do it quickly, because that poison acts fast.

Friday, February 27, 2009


Do not lift thy pancake too high! There are pancake-eating bats around here.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Holy men

The holy man liberates the captive, heals the wounded, glorifies the pious, and humps the pancake (old custom).

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Big pancakes are only little pancakes who became morbidly obese.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


If I had my life to live again, I'd make the same pancakes, only sooner. And I'd kill Billy.

Monday, February 23, 2009


Every pancake is as unique as a snowflake, but I doubt you knew that, because of the powerful snowflake lobby.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Nothing is cuter than a puppy eating a pancake, except maybe a baby eating a kitten.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


God will never forget you. You killed too many people with your pancakes a la anthrax.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


Here's to pancakes when you're hungry and lava when you're cold.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


To life! The first half is ruined by pancakes; the second half is ruined by bounty hunters.

Monday, February 16, 2009


To throw a pancake is a great insult in my culture, because of the stickiness, which is icky in my culture.

Naval life

And it came to pass that on the morrow, after we had prepared all things, much fruits and meats from the wilderness, and pancakes in abundance, and provisions according to that which the Lord had commanded us, we did go down into the ship, after making a boom-boom on the poop deck.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Your mother

The Dirty Pancake: Your mother's favorite sex act or her breakfast specialty? Why can't it be both?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Cover story

The Pancake Fairy is neither sprite-like nor interested in pancakes; it's a cover story for his flourishing career as a Burrito Bandit.

Friday, February 13, 2009


In your lover's freezer, you find a pancake in a jar. Congratulations! That is so much less disturbing than a head in a jar. Still, it is kind of weird.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Bad luck

If there is a mouse in your pancake, and you eat that mouse, contracting mouse fever and becoming violently ill to the point of death, it could foretell bad luck of some kind (like a lawsuit).

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

First dates

Never eat pancakes on a first date or second exorcism.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Early pancakes doubled as models of the earth, before we knew the earth was not delicious.

Monday, February 9, 2009


In the undead community, flesh-eating zombies are more respected than pancake-eating zombies.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


If you throw a pancake into a volcano that's expecting a virgin, that is going to be one disappointed volcano.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


The first pizza was more like a pancake, except for the cheese, bread, pepperoni, and dinosaur glands.

Friday, February 6, 2009


Makin' pancakes is like makin' love, if you don't quite know how to do either because of severe head trauma.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


In France, "French toast" means "pancake" and "French kiss" means "swirlie".

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


The pancake was invented by John and Marybeth Whistle, who also invented the whistle and were the inspiration for Top Gun.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


Am I a proctologist dreaming I'm a pancake or a pancake dreaming I'm a proctologist? Let's hope I'm a pancake, because ew.

Monday, February 2, 2009


Pancakes at night; sailor's delight. Pancakes at dawn; look out-- pirates!!!!!

Sunday, February 1, 2009


Ghandi learned about nonaggression from pancakes, who never started a war or put a sleeping person's hand in warm water.