God

False ministries offend God, but not as much as cold pancakes.

The ascended masters

My teachings are based on pancakes and the ascended masters. Do not make the mistake of considering pancakes and the ascended masters to be separate. Why do you think my pancakes taste "corpse-y"?

Salvation

Clothing yourself in the garments of salvation is one thing; pouring pancake batter down your shorts like it was Gold Bond is another.

Life

"My pancake is dearer to me than my life!" said the man whose life sucks ass.

Sorrow

Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot grind--slowly, painfully, agonizingly--into pancake batter.

Corporate culture

What man was ever content with one pancake? A man in the pocket of the waffle industry, that's who!

Women

I like my women like I like my spatulas: covered in pancake batter I forgot to clean up last Tuesday.