Lingerie

A pancake is like lingerie. It's delicate and looks revolting on your mom.

Evangelical Pancake-ism

Evangelical Pancake-ism is just like Christianity, but the wafer is replaced with pancakes, and the Jesus is replaced with Don Knotts.

War

Pancakes are like war. A lot of people die, but they bring a country together, and everyone loves them--or is an evil socialist hippie scumbag.

Desire

Want to see free webcams of naked pancakes? If so, consult your neurologist.

The nexus of the universe

Pancakes exist somewhere between eternity, infinity, and Schenectady.

Life

Life is like a spatula. Don’t stick it up your butt right before making pancakes.

Oprah

Every pancake gets what it deserves: an exorcism performed by Oprah on July 4.

Multiculturalism

The young want Swedish pancakes; the old want Finnish pornography. Everybody wins.

Goodness

A good pancake is loved by the bacon, feared by the sausages, and hated by my cousin Billy.

Kneel

Kneel before pancakes! They really appreciate that sort of thing, and I could win a bet.