The ancient world

Ancient riddle: Who pancakes the pancake-men?

Ancient answer: Space monsters.

Love and sex

Pancakes are not going to love you unless you love them. Even then, you can rule out oral sex.

Mmm

Am I a Cylon dreaming I'm a pancake or a pancake dreaming I'm a Cylon?

Let's hope I'm a Cylon, because I'd love to kill all humans. Mmm!

Popes

If you feel like you would make a great Pope, consider becoming a pancake instead. The job market is better.

Budgets

Able-bodied seamen eat a lot of pancakes. That's why the Navy spends 6 billion dollars a year on pancake batter, along with 40 million to fight ocean madness.

A wise man

A wise man opened a diner. He served nano-pancakes, psycho-pancakes, astro-pancakes, turbo-pancakes, and robo-bacon. Was he really wise, or did he just like prefixes? I shot him, so we'll never know.

Culture

Pancakes blame World War 2 on New Zealand and think the Internet was created by Don Rickles. But pancakes are delicious, so we put up with their outlandish beliefs.

Work and play

All work and no pancakes makes Jack make pancakes--of blood! And doom! Still, beats workin'.

The fate of the universe

Sometimes the fate of the universe depends on one pancake standing alone against a vast army of evil. At such times, we are what the gods call "boned".

Human rights

No one has a right to pooh-pooh your dreams or poo-poo your pancakes.

Joy and sorrow

Our greatest joys and our greatest sorrows grow on the same pancake. Shouldn't someone throw that thing out?

Genius

It isn't the mountain that wears you out; it's the stack of pancakes in your underwear, genius.

Hatred

There is nothing a fish hates more than a pancake, because fish are racist.

Fear

Fear knocked at the door. Giant pancake monsters answered. That worked out well.

The mob

Having the world's greatest pancake will do you no good if your mouth was sewn shut by angry villagers.

Nature and nurture

If a naked mole rat and a goliath bird-eating spider are fighting over a pancake...whoa. Sell me a ticket. I am so there, dude.

No cigar

Close only counts at horseshoes, hand grenades, and let's-hide-the-nuclear-waste-near-the-pancake-house.

The face of evil

Evil has a face like a pancake: smooth, eyeless, sticky, and delicious.

Love

Pancakes save some marriages, while boulders end others. Love is a paradox.

Rainbows

For the next two hundred years, there will be no rainbows. However, there will be thousands of mole men roaming the earth, grinding people into pancake batter. So at least there's that.

Thirst

Apes are to monkeys as pancakes are to crepes, but what about ales and lagers? Man, am I thirsty.

Awareness

There are ten gates to awareness but only five pancakes to awareness. That's because the guardians of awareness don't want to totally mess up your diet.

What if?

What if pancakes erupted with lava and volcanoes fed the hungry? That would be a great time to go back on your meds.

Stacked

You can stack pancakes, but you can't stack regrets...though you can stack corpses. Not sure where I was going with that.