Thursday, July 28, 2011

Feminism


A woman without a pancake is like a waffle without a cult of deranged worshipers who deep-fry orphans.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Oneness


The pancake, the plate, and the prophet are as one. For this, we can thank crazy glue.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Math


One lawyer with a machete can do more damage than a thousand criminals with pancakes. Duh.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Self-actualization


The key to self-actualization is eating a stack of pancakes taller than Mini-Me.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Going Dutch


Never go Dutch on Swedish pancakes or Finnish pornography.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Sausage


Every day you don't eat a pancake, the baby Jesus gets thrown off a cliff.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Turds


You can't polish a turd, but you can laminate a pancake. So that evens out.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Your mom


There might be more to life than eating pancakes off a Satanic altar in your mom’s van, but I doubt it.