Feminism

A woman without a pancake is like a waffle without a cult of deranged worshipers who deep-fry orphans.

Oneness

The pancake, the plate, and the prophet are as one. For this, we can thank crazy glue.

Math

One lawyer with a machete can do more damage than a thousand criminals with pancakes. Duh.

Self-actualization

The key to self-actualization is eating a stack of pancakes taller than Mini-Me.

Going Dutch

Never go Dutch on Swedish pancakes or Finnish pornography.

Sausage

Every day you don't eat a pancake, the baby Jesus gets thrown off a cliff.

Turds

You can't polish a turd, but you can laminate a pancake. So that evens out.

Your mom

There might be more to life than eating pancakes off a Satanic altar in your mom’s van, but I doubt it.