Inner peace

There is a pancake asleep within every man. When that pancake awakens, consult your physician.

Angels

There is one idea that gives radiance to everything. It is the idea of pancakes made of angel dust.

Tridents

The gods ate pancakes with a trident, but only the gods who rode the short bus.

Grandchildren

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your pancake.

Surprises

It's not surprising to hear that a rapper got shot, but it is surprising to hear that a pancake got stabbed with a broadsword--for shooting rappers. That's a nice twist.

The future

We might not recognize the pancakes of the future, but they'll recognize us, thanks to stem cells and Wikipedia.

NASA

Putting a woman on the moon is like putting a pancake on Mars, except it's cheaper, so let's go for it.

Perspective

To a man who only has a pancake, every woman he encounters begins to look like Mrs. Butterworth. Hubba hubba!

Bras

One bra you can wear seven ways is impressive. But what if there were a pancake that could enhance your sexual performance? That would be something too.

Kindness

Should you return kindness with pancakes? Only if cash and a BJ are out of the question.

Men and women

The main difference between men and women is that men are pancakes and women are goliath bird-eating spiders.

Worldview

You wouldn't like a pancake when its angry. Not because it's dangerous, but because the existence of emotions in breakfast foods is not something your worldview can accommodate.

Self-awareness

If you don't know who the pancake at the table is, it's you.

Marriage

The say a man will treat his wife the way he treats his pancakes, but only if the dude is a cannibal.

Belief and doubt

Believe those who are seeking the pancake. Doubt those who are jizzing on the pancake.

Sentience

Pancakes appear to be non-sentient lumps of batter, but they have rich, unknowable inner worlds. Some are just as on the ball as a senior citizen.

Mysticism

The mystical hammer of Thor is useless against the mystical pancakes of Satan. Little know fact.

The world

The world needs more geniuses with humility and fewer pancakes with tentacles.

War crimes

All pancakes ridicule other pancakes, because of the harsh, brutal, repressive regime of Mrs. Butterworth.

Gak

Better the pancake you know than the pancake you don't, unless we're talking about "knowing" in the Biblical sense, because gak!

Culture

In some cultures, there is no higher achievement than marrying your daughter to a pancake. This is why destroying other cultures is awesome.

Heroism

Do you want to be a hero to a pancake? If so, it might be a good week to stop sniffing glue.

Thankfulness

Be glad you are not a pancake. A pancake will never make love to a beautiful woman or eat pancakes, because pancakes are not vicious, savage cannibals.

Orphans

I'm in the pancake donor program, where any pancakes I make but don't eat are surgically inserted into orphans against their will. Hey, we'll see how it goes!