Wednesday, September 30, 2009


Spiritual wickedness starts at breakfast, if you're not vigilant. That's why I soak my pancakes in holy water and goat's blood and virgin tears, just to be safe.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Purpose-driven life

Do not persecute the layman for misunderstanding the purpose of pancakes! Just sleep with his sister and call it a day.

Monday, September 28, 2009

The Lord

When a man's pancakes please the Lord, that man better keep making those pancakes, or the Lord will drop boulders on the man and his harem.

Friday, September 25, 2009


When choosing between prophets and pancakes, I pick the one I haven't served to polar bears recently.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


An educated pancake is worth more than a pancaked educator.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Reckless words pierce like a sword, but confusing words just lie there like a pancake in your mother's bathtub on a typical Wednesday night.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


If your enemy is hungry, give him a pancake to eat. If that doesn't shut him up, well, I guess it's sledgehammer time.

Monday, September 21, 2009


When a pancake prospers, puppies and bunnies rejoice in a chocolate wonderland. When a waffle prospers, Satan eats an orphan with honey mustard.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Lord

The Lord will find and rebuke serpents, but the Lord will not find and rebuke pancakes, because that would be fucking stupid.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


You can't do anything about getting older. All you can do is eat your pancakes, drink a lot of water, and throw every available virgin in that volcano.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Common sense

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and pancakes with little feet.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


A single hour eating pancakes with a wise man is .000008% as awesome as sleeping with his wife.

Monday, September 14, 2009


The more you believe, the more you can accomplish. I believe these pancakes were made by smurf-killing leprechauns! Aaaaiiiiiieeeee!

Friday, September 11, 2009

The spirit realm

In the spirit realm, pancakes are covered in ectoplasm, not syrup. That's why visitors to the spirit realm call it "ishy".

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The spirit of infirmity

Does the spirit of infirmity inhabit your pancakes? Nah, I just poisoned them.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


False ministries offend God, but not as much as cold pancakes.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The ascended masters

My teachings are based on pancakes and the ascended masters. Do not make the mistake of considering pancakes and the ascended masters to be separate. Why do you think my pancakes taste "corpse-y"?

Monday, September 7, 2009


Clothing yourself in the garments of salvation is one thing; pouring pancake batter down your shorts like it was Gold Bond is another.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


"My pancake is dearer to me than my life!" said the man whose life sucks ass.

Friday, September 4, 2009


Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot grind--slowly, painfully, agonizingly--into pancake batter.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Corporate culture

What man was ever content with one pancake? A man in the pocket of the waffle industry, that's who!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


I like my women like I like my spatulas: covered in pancake batter I forgot to clean up last Tuesday.